Sexual Behaviour

It is natural and normal for children and young people to develop and express their sexuality, this may be done through play, talk, questions and conversations, as well as through touch.  It can be helpful to think about sexual behaviour demonstrated by children on a continuum, from healthy to harmful.  Essentially, healthy behaviours are those which are typical for the child’s age, which are enjoyable and mutually consensual, whereas potentially harmful behaviours are those which would not be appropriate for a child’s age, which might be excessive or compulsive or where there is a significant difference in age or power.

As a parent or carer, children will look to you to model healthy relationships and to help them to navigate this area of their lives.  As with everything, talking to your child about healthy relationships from an early age will be beneficial for their future. It can also be a good idea to ‘drip feed’ information rather than go for ‘The Talk’.

Some things that you can go through with your child to help inform safe and healthy choices might be:

• Discussing the issue of consent and the importance of gaining and/or giving permission in relation to sexual activity of any kind
• Helping them to have the confidence to say no to things that they don’t want to do
• Helping them to understand that nobody has the right to ask them to do anything that they are not comfortable with
• Letting them know that sexual activity should be enjoyed by both partners
• Discussing the importance of trust and respect

Finding out that your child has done something which might be potentially sexually harmful is likely to be upsetting for everyone involved.  It is important to try to stay calm and listen to your child.  Some tips might include:

• Take what is being said seriously
• Talk to your child to help you to understand what has happened – let them know you will listen without losing your temper
• Let your child know that there is help and support and that you will help to find it
• Seek support from professionals
• Find someone that you can talk freely to.

Remember, if you hear information that makes you suspect a child has been seriously harmed or is at risk of harm, you must report this.  You can call the police (101, non-emergency/999, emergency) or report to Children’s Social Care (0116 3050005)

There are websites that have information for parents and carers who’s child may have been involved in a potentially harmful sexual behaviour.  Harmful Sexual Behaviour | Child Exploitation East Midlands has information for parents and carers.

Child Sexual Exploitation is often known as CSE.  CSE is a form of child abuse where a child is groomed into sexual activity, often in exchange for something such as money, gifts or alcohol.  This is always abuse, even if the acts themselves seem consensual.  You can read more about this important topic, how to spot the signs and how to seek help by reading this leaflet produced by Leicester City Safeguarding Board child-sexual-exploitation-information-for-parents-and-carers-2019.pdf (lcitylscb.org)

The children’s charity, Barnardo’s has also produced helpful information on this topic on their website.  You can find it here Child sexual abuse and exploitation | Barnardo’s (barnardos.org.uk)